Posts Tagged ‘gay’

Straight But Not Narrow

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

OnePinky sister, Sara, recently wrote this testimony in honor of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month and I wanted to share it with you all:

I like to say that I’m straight, but not narrow. I’m married to a man, but I can appreciate the curves of a woman just as much as I can the broad torso of a man. I might have a crush on Will Smith—but I’ve also had a little thing going for Rosario Dawson for a while (yes, Seven Pounds just made my entire year). And while I’m all for getting married if you want to—or not if you don’t!—for straight couples, I’m completely the same for gay and lesbian couples, too.

In other words, I’m straight but not narrow-minded.

My husband and I think we’re pretty warped people. We are completely in love with President Obama (whom our three-year-old is also smitten with; she even has his trading cards). We believe in science over organized religion—but believe that personal faith, as long as it’s separate from the government, is A-OK. We think it’s cool for boys to kiss boys, boys to kiss girls, girls to kiss girls, and kids to kiss dogs. (But kids shouldn’t kiss turtles. I hear there’s a salmonella risk.)

Why does this have to be “warped,” though? (Besides the fact that it’s a cool word.)

Why do we have to feel so out of place smack in the middle of the Bible belt, attending family reunions filled with country-music crooning and hillbilly hollering and glares and jeers at our bumper stickers and offhand remarks about anyone who isn’t white, straight and a follower of Jesus?

Instead of warped, shouldn’t our views be the norm? More and more states are ratifying gay marriage (what the heck is up with you, California?), and we finally have a President who believes in stem cell research and does not want to overturn Roe vs. Wade.

Yet the only places I can feel really at home with how I feel are online—including www.OnePinky.com.

At OnePinky, my “sisters” all accept everyone no matter their creed, sexuality, color or any other factor. Some of us are Christians; some are rather pagan; some prefer to remain nondenominational. And it’s all okay, because if there’s anything we learn at OnePinky, it’s to love ourselves no matter who we are, just as we are, warts, fat, bi polar, astigmatism and all.

“Live and let live” is what we learn, and that doesn’t apply to just ourselves—it applies to the world at large.

OnePinky.com reinforces the idea of tolerance—and most importantly to ourselves! Acceptance is what we should always strive for, here and now and always.

And we are responsible for owning the loveliness that we are. So it is time that we cease letting anyone make us feel that we are wrong with being who we are.

OnePinky, the community opens the door to talk about religion, politics, and all of the issues that people typically shy away from because of the divisiveness. Why should we fear each other so much? Should we not learn from one another instead, and embrace diversity in all of its beautiful forms?

Let’s celebrate being different. And like we’re learning to love ourselves “one pinky at a time,” perhaps the global community can learn to love each other, one person at a time, one difference at a time, until we reach a climate of peace and acceptance.

How has OnePinky.com impacted your view on tolerance and acceptance? Share your thoughts in the comments.

One Earth, One Planet, One Humanity

Tuesday, September 9th, 2008

I often think about the prejudice I face as a gay woman and how fortunate I am to be able to choose when and how to share that very important part of my life. When I sense that it is not “safe” to be gay, I can choose to keep that information to myself. I often wonder how people of color, or other nationalities or religions (such as Muslim women right now), face prejudice and judgment every day and find the courage to deal with the pain of not being able to have that same choice. They wear their “minority” on their sleeves, so to speak. Quite simply, I get to hide and they do not.

Call me Pollyanna, or simply call me American, but I want to live in a world where none of that matters. As an individual, I do not care what color, background, sexuality or religion you may be. I love people and always give them the benefit of the doubt. I wish this were the way of the world.

It is 2,008, and gay rights are at the forefront of this election – and things are moving in favor of someone’s right to choose the most basic thing in their lives — their life partner. However, we know that this far from being resolved. The legality of choosing our partners looms like the blinded woman with the scales of justice. Is she blindfolded to all things but justice, as she should be? Or is she just blind as we hurt one another due to prejudice?

Prejudice and Judgment – why do I care what you think of me? Well, to be honest, rejection is palpable. Like all human beings, the risk and the reality of rejection is that the pain it causes often translates to self-abuse through food, drugs, alcohol, sexual addiction, and low self-esteem. Being gay had a profound impact on my body image and self-worth. I was told I was sick. I was told there was something “wrong with me. What Eckhardt Tolle calls the pain body has, in some ways, taken a lifetime to heal.

There is something “wrong with you.” That’s what our society and even the people closest to us tell us every day. You are gay. You are black. You are fat. You are handicapped. You are wrong. Endlessly, the message is profoundly simple: You are wrong.

And in that wrongness, we kill one another from the moment we first draw breath.

How do we heal this?

· As a nation, we heal it through laws and civil rights.
· As communities we heal it by demonstrating and supporting one another.
· But as a person, the question is always right in front of me. How do I heal the “pain body” and the harm that “being wrong” did to my body and my soul?

Powerfully, thankfully, through hard work, going within, and peeling away the “pain bodies” one layer at a time, I have translated most of my “pain body” into power. So much Power that I get to share it and teach it. Some days I feel like the statue of liberty. Bring me your huddled masses because liberty and freedom are yours. You are not wrong, and you never have to hurt yourself or hate yourself for who you are again. You can be free, not only to be who you are, but to love who you are and anyone else you choose to love.

Where do you begin?

I’ve literally written a book on this. Let me offer one simple tool that costs nothing but a little practice. Stop telling yourself you are wrong, you are ugly, or you are fat. Quite simply, stop the negative self-talk. Every time your mind says what a piece of crap you are for X, Y, or Z reason, stop it in its tracks and say, “I am [your name] and I am wonderful.” Then list the things about you – your core. Such as, “I am a powerful, smart, resourceful, strong, black woman. I can change anything that I want to. I come from a culture of survivors.”

Continue until you cannot say any more.

For years I hated myself for being gay. It was one more reason to shame Laura. Although I live in a world that often feels it is still wrong, I can stand and proudly say, “I am Laura Fenamore, and I am a passionate gay woman. I use my power and deep belief in love to serve others and to claim my right to exist. I am a beautiful woman in a beautiful body. I love myself, and in that, I am empowered to love all people.”

THIS is a good beginning.

To your authenticity,
Laura Fenamore, CPCC, Body Image Mastery Mentor
www.LauraFenamore.com
Laura@LauraFenamore.com